"You're gonna ask God to do what?"

Beware: this post is like my inner dialogue written out!  Posting, Bible study, and just about anything has been really difficult lately.  I suffer from depression.  Many of you, unfortunately, have probably been there. 
Spring has finally gotten to my part of the world, but, to me, it just feels like one more thing to deal with.  All the closet cleaning, planting, painting, muddy shoes, wet doggy feet, and so much more. 
I have been waiting for this fog to lift, but I also haven't been in The Word much.  How can I expect things to happen and resolve when I have forgotten who to talk to when things get tough?!
 It's like the stereotypical adage of a woman, when asked "what's wrong?" answers "Nothing."  God knows all.  He knows what I am going through.  But I still need to bring it to Him.  I need to make sure my heart is right, too.  If I am truly seeking Him and what He wants for my life, then I can come to Him with any burdens and sorrows. 
I was listening to a recording by pastors Francis Chan and James McDonald the other day.  The Holy Spirit convicted me of the way I have been dealing with some personal situations lately.  I realized that I was hurting one of God's children with my bad attitude and hurtful words.  Francis Chan talked about a church member who came forward for prayer in dealing with an illness.  When Francis talked later with this young man he asked him if he had any issues that would be keeping him from being completely open with God.  The young man shrugged off some little issues and then muttered something about his girlfriend.  Francis found out, through some probing, that this man was living with his girlfriend and was not in a sexually pure relationship with her.  I loved Francis' reaction.  He said something like, "And you want me to go to God with you and ask for help?!"  He remarked, "That's like you sleeping with my daughter and then coming to me to ask for a favor!"  Man, that hurt. 
Things aren't miraculously wonderful today.  However, I, now, know that I need to begin with my own heart and my own relationship with God.  The Holy Spirit tends to slap me upside the head like this sometimes.  Probably, because I need it!  Later that day, I was going through a class from Shanna Noel.  At the end of the session she challenged me to find a verse about peace and strength.  I had lots of trouble finding one.  After looking through an old art journal I found a note about relying on God in rough times with 1 Peter 4:12-13 noted next to it.  After looking up the verse, I quickly got out some art supplies and went at it.  I was interrupted many times and had to make dinner. (I can't get those kids to stop eating!)  After many breaks I was fairly happy with what I was taught and what I had made that day.


1 Peter 4:12-13

It was like the preverbial bandage that got ripped off the wound.  But then there was this smooth and clean skin underneath.  God's discipline is not always easy to take, but it brings about some amazing growth and joy.  I encourage you to really dive in to the Word.  Let it speak to your heart and hands.  Don't let rules and restrictions keep you from creating what your heart is speaking to your Father.  Be blessed.

Learning to rest

John 13:34-35 inspired by Take Me Deeper

So, I have been deeply entrenched in Lent studies with She Reads Truth and Nurturing Joy, with Elizabeth Foss.  Life is, also, becoming more hectic by the minute.  Four children with interests, church groups, retreats and appointments take most of the time that's left.  Today the middle girl is sick and the youngest has been battling sleep.  Life doesn't stop for Mommy Time. 

Blogging is my way to commune with the other people who share my interests and to release the thoughts that clutter my mind.  So when life gets crazy, I have to prioritize on the fly.  That means that blogging takes a back seat. 

Oh, did I mention that I have also been (finally) painting and organizing our living room/toy room?!?  It's not like I am busy or anything.  In all honesty; I would rather be busy than bored. 


Joel 2:13 inspired by She Reads Truth Lent Study

Therefor, I will be showing you some of my past work in my Bible.  I am trying to stay up with my Take Me Deeper challenge while doing the Lent studies.  These pictures are from those studies and challenge.

You can see what I am doing during the quiet blogging periods on instagram.  My link is to the right.  Enjoy and I hope you are finding peace and rest during this Lenten season.



Psalm 46:10 inspired by the Restore Study from Nurturing Joy



Micah 6:8 inspired by the Restore study from Nurturing Joy

Even when devastation hits

My brother, Chris, with the chancellor
at West Dean College, UK. (1999)

On August 13th of 1999 my brother, Chris, decided he could no longer suffer the emotional heartache of depression.  He was a talented and ambitious young man of 22 years, who had just graduated from the prestigious West Dean College in Chichester, England.  Chris had studied there as a violin maker, a luthier.  He was facing many life changing decisions and was told, by his then girlfriend, that she would not move to America with him.
On a weekend while my parents where out of town, Chris was buying a gun and making plans for someone to check on him.  My husband and I suspected he was hurting and tried to invite him to our home while my parents were away, but he was an adult; he was allowed to make his own choices.  He chose to end his hurt by ending his life.   
My parents felt they could no longer live steps away from where my brother took his life.  They took all the tools and belongings my brother had shipped over from England to a new home.  The boxes sat for 14 more years in a barn.  After deciding to move again  they asked me to find a home for the tools, wood, and various luthier items that had once belonged to my brother.  During the latter part of 2014, I asked all my musician friends, charity organizations, and a local violin shop if they would want my brothers things.  No charge!   No one wanted them.  No one really seemed to care.  It was a little unsettling and sad.
My parents and I have come to a point where we can move along with life where the happy days out number the sad ones.  However, being people of faith, we have always wondered what God had planned when He knew this would happen.  Don't get me wrong.  We never blamed God.  My brother was a growing young Christian who wanted us to know he had made peace with God before this all took place.  But the whole tragedy left us wondering "why."   I imagine anyone in our circumstances has the same questions.  Many people struggle the rest of their lives with these sorts of questions and never feel peace.  We may not have gotten an answer, but I do feel like we have found some peace.  My brother's death allowed us to help friends and family who are dealing with the suicide of a loved one or friend.  But these tools in my garage just seemed wasted.  Then I got an email from my oldest daughter's orchestra teacher.
On December 31, 2014, a young father by the name of Shad Peters, of Peters Guitars, had a devastating fire in his shop.  Shad is, by my perception, a God-fearing talented artist who was being refined by this fire.  From the things I had read from his family and friends, his dreams and 10 years of hard work had, literally, gone up in smoke.  The insurance company told him that they would only be able to cover the costs of the garage structure and the personal property he had in the garage/shop; like his computer and stereo.  None of his tools, hand made instruments and accessories, power equipment, and hand-picked wood would be covered by the insurance.  The total estimation of replacement would total over $70,000!
There are fundraising efforts under way at Go Fund Me, but how will he replace all the time and struggle?  That's where we as fellow humans step in and take on some of the load.  God tells us to bear each other's burdens (Galatians 6:2).  Most of the time, it's not a burden to whoever takes on a little bit of someone else's load.  It's a blessing.  When I read about the plight of Shad's family I was grinning ear to ear and bouncing in my chair.  "This is it, this is it!" is all I could think.
I was able to contact Shad by email and find out if he would like my brother's wood, hand tools, forms, and other luthier items that had been stored for over 15 years (picture right).   He immediately sent back a message that he would love to come get them and would make arrangements to be here the next day!  He lives about 65 miles north and needed to borrow a truck to come get the crates and boxes that were still packed the way they were the day they left England. 
Let me just say; you should never invite a stranger to come to your house without some kind of plan.  I researched Shad's story and felt he was a reputable person, but I still let my neighbor and husband know the details of the event.  However, I think Shad was more nervous than I was.  Who wouldn't be?  I felt like I was on the blessing end of the deal.  He was probably feeling vulnerable and nervous going to someone's home and not knowing what would happen when the door opened.  Too many bad Craig's list stories where going through my mind (and probably his). 
After we introduced ourselves I showed him to the garage and opened each of the boxes.  There were lots of tools and wood to show him and lots of  questions about the things that were totally foreign to me.  I grabbed some drawings for a violin design out of the biggest crate before it was last on the truck. 
We talked for a moment about the way all this came together and I came away in total awe at how God planned it all!  I hope to one day be able to visit his new shop. My mother was glad to know that I had found the perfect home for all the beloved items she held tight for so many years. 
I believe that it helps the heart to heal when you can help someone else through your own pain.  We have to bear our souls sometimes.  It's a vulnerability that is totally scary, but so worth it!  Be blessed by being a blessing.

New Year's is not fun!

Most of us really enjoy the Christmas season.  It brings cute little angels singing carols, sweet smelling cookies, and family gathered around the fire (or TV).  However, New Year's Eve doesn't always appeal to everyone.

My parents used to go out for the traditional 'ringing in of the New Year' when they were young parents.  But after we got older, they quit celebrating much.  We just watched the ball drop with Dick Clark every year. 

When I got old enough to party, it was just a big let down.  A had a date that showed up at 7pm drunk.  I sent him packin'.  Then I had a fiancé that didn't make reservations for New Year's dinner and we drove around til we found a fast food restaurant that was open.

As fate, or God, would have it; I met my husband on New Year's Eve at a bar.  Okay, I hear the gasps.  A friend set us up without me knowing it.  We were engaged a year later! 

We have celebrated the holiday with the same group of friends for the last 16 years.  We have even changed things up a bit to include all of the kids.  It's a little different now with 10 or more kids running around screaming while the parents catch up on the past year.

BUT, as soon as January 1st hits it's all down hill from there.  We have to take down all the decorations, re-do the calendar, purge all of our files, start shredding, and collect receipts for income taxes.  Yuck!  I really don't like the busy work of January and February.

I came upon a group of mostly ladies who use their talents to craft, paint, design, and draw their faith.  At His Kingdom Come Scripture is your muse.  These folks have inspired me to delve further into my Bible and my art.  They also inspired me to DO SOMETHING beginning in 2015.

I have begun to pray and meditate on His Word in order to sense a Word of The Year for 2015.  The gals at HKC have started a group that will explore your word for the year.  Something to look forward to rather than to dread.  Who wouldn't love making canvas art that says "Step out in faith?"  Somehow, making a chalkboard plaque with "lose 10 lbs." just doesn't seem as cute.

There are a couple different groups to get involved with, depending on your talents.  Find your word or phrase for 2015 and see where it leads you.

Packing for the journey

December is usually packed full of chaos for everyone.  Why would I decide to take an adventure like this...and now?  God.  I felt the gentle guidance that God was pulling me in the direction of beginning a journey with a blog for several reasons.  I have been through so many challenges in the first half, hopefully more, of my life.  There was a tugging on my heart to help others who are facing some of the same challenges.  There was also an overwhelming sense that there were other people out there who were interested in many of the same things I am, but there wasn't much content out there.  SO...here I am.
To let you know who I am and what has shaped me would take way too much time to read.  How about a list?  I'm all over a list!  I have gone through, been there, or done that concerning the following:

• Obsessive crafting
• Crafting and sewing and needlepoint and paper crafts and journaling and.....
• Kids with ADD
• Kids with anxiety
• Faith that has been tried over and over again
• Being the spouse of an adult with ADD
• Surviving the death of a sibling to suicide
• Mentoring young women through purity
• Mentoring Mothers of Preschoolers
• Working retail
• Working in the financial world
• Deciding to raise our children instead of working
• Surviving on one income
• Living fully on one income
• Loving Bible Journaling
• Fostering imagination and creativity in my kids
• SO MUCH MORE!

My hope is that I can continue to grow in my faith and see just where He takes me while enjoying that ride with you.  As my kids say TBC (to be continued).